WittyFuttyFootball culture, archive and pitch & grounds tools

Football culture · Pitch & grounds tools

WittyFutty

WittyFutty has published funny and viral football moments since 2016. New posts now use reviewed official sources, the archive is being restored at its original addresses, and the pitch section serves the people who mark the lines.

  • Since 2016

    Football culture: latest and archive

    Rolls, red cards, goalkeepers scoring from their own area and the quotes that ran for a week. New posts use official publisher embeds; older pages stay at their original addresses with an honest note where the source has gone.

    Open football culture

  • New

    Pitch & grounds tools

    Line length, litres, layouts and a matchday walk-round. Built for club volunteers and groundstaff, with the method and the sources on the page so you can check the arithmetic.

    Open Pitch & Grounds

Latest WittyFutty

New football-culture posts built around verified official sources, with no copied video files or thumbnails.

Open the latest posts and archive

Classic WittyFutty

Every page below sits at the address it was published on. Where the original write-up survived it has been republished and cleaned up. Where it did not, the page says so.

Open the full archive

Pitch & grounds tools

Four tools, no accounts, no tracking, and the formulas printed underneath each one.

  • Football pitch marking calculator

    Total line length for your format and size, then litres and packs from the coverage figure on the paint you are actually using.

  • Pitch layout planner

    A scaled, labelled plan of your pitch and a printable setup record with every measurement on it.

  • Training grid planner

    Grid size, marked length, approximate cone count and an optional paint estimate for a session layout.

  • Repaint and weather checker

    A planning checklist that turns surface, forecast window, temperature and kick-off time into a clear go, hold or stop.

Guides

Reference material for the numbers the tools use, and for the jobs around them.

  • Football pitch dimensions

    The dimensions that come from IFAB Law 1, the ones that do not change with pitch size, and where small-sided youth sizes come from instead.

  • How to mark out a football pitch

    Setting out a square rectangle, getting the penalty areas and centre circle right, and the order of work that stops you painting yourself into a corner.

  • How much line marking paint does a football pitch need?

    The line length of a full-size pitch, how to turn it into litres using your own product's coverage figure, and the allowances worth adding.

  • Matchday grounds checklist

    A printable walk-round for the people who open up on a Saturday: goals, markings, surface, boundaries and the things that stop a match.