Parody: Chris Hutchings appointed as England manager by FA!

England manager

Chris Hutchings has been appointed as the new England manager by FA, after Roy Hodgson stepped down!

Roy Hodgson has stepped down as England manager. Defeat to small Iceland, and its dentist coach, was enough for old Roy to step down. Hodgson’s contract was up anyway, but he quit his job, so that he could escape England, and distraught English fans, as soon as possible.

Great and spectacular FA took their time (the whole day) to make one of the most important decisions of their lives. They (surprisingly) picked Chris Hutchings for the job.

The man, who’s attracted to failure as shit is to flies, is going to take over at England’s top position. Hutchings has been in management  since 2000, and had five different managerial positions. His longest stint in any club was two years, but his best managerial stint was at Derby County. Hutchings is still a record holder at Derby, with incredible 100% win rate. Its true that he managed only one match for Derby, but it still looks awesome.

FA decided that Chris Hutchings is their savior.

Hutchings, who’s last position was assistant manager at Barnsley, had this to say. “I am very happy to accept England’s top job. I wasn’t really surprised when they called, given my incredible record at Derby County.” he continued “England has a young squad, so I am probably going to recall players like Michael Owen, and Alan Shearer to give a bit of experience to the squad.

Before Hutchings was selected, as the manager of England, managers like Gareth Southgate, Arsene Wenger, and Harry Redknapp were mentioned. Hutchings wasn’t even considered, but FA picked him anyway.

FA had this to say about their surprising choice. “We picked the best candidate for the job. Firstly, he is going to be really cheap, no problems with sacking him. Secondly, he is English. Thirdly, he had an amazing record at Derby Count, really special.” FA  than concluded “We are confident that Hutchings is going to be very successful with England, and if he flops, we are going to blame him for everything.

Wayne Rooney was delighted about appointment, saying “Chris is a top bloke, we were once at karaoke, and he had an amazing voice.” Other England players were equally happy about Hutchings as their new manager, which is a good sign.  A sign that Hutchings won’t have problems with players (at least for now). Probably the only problem he won’t have (from the start).

There was a mixed response from England fans about Hutchings appointment, but they are unanimous that he is a better choice than Roy Hodgson ever was. “Hutchings’ got better haircut and doesn’t look like a granny” was one of the responses by anonymous England fan.

Chris Hutchings is the new manager of England, whether you like it or not, and he is there to stay (at least until he is sacked, which might be soon).