Parody: Jose Mourinho publishes a manifesto about touchline etiquette!

Jose Mourinho

After Antonio Conte’s “shameful” touchline behavior during Chelsea and Manchester United match, Jose Mourinho has decided to write and publish a manifesto about touchline etiquette!

The book was written and publish in a single day, which is true to Mourinho’s nickname (The Special One).

So here is the manifesto, or basically some rules that you should obey, while being a manager on the touchline!

Read it and weep!


1. When you walk on the pitch (before the match starts), you should greet the other manager (or bow down if the other manager is Mourinho) and than sit down to your designated seat.

2. You should be calm and respectful throughout whole match. You shouldn’t stand up to walk up and down the touchline (except if you are Mourinho).

3. You must be quiet through out the match, and not making any kind of sounds (except if you are Mourinho). Even your breathing should be as quiet as possible.

4. If your team scores a goal you should not celebrate, unless you are Mourinho. You should look to the ground and be generally unhappy, especially if the opposition manager is Mourinho!

5. If somehow the other manager comes near your side of the touchline, you should kindly tell him to go back to his seat in his side of the touchline. Except if that man is Mourinho, than you should be grateful that he even took the time to get near you!

6. If opposition player makes a reckless challenge on your player, you should not be angry (unless you are the special one, which you are not), you should be happy if that player plays under Mourinho.

7. You must never argue with the referee, only Mourinho can do that!

8. Under no circumstances you should try to engage the fans of your team. They should be left alone, especially if the opponent team is managed by none other than the special Mourinho. If that happens, you should be ashamed of yourself, and should whip yourself repeatedly after back at home, after the match has ended!

9. When the match ends, you should greet the opposite manager and than quickly run away in the tunnel. However, you can do anything you like, but you have be Jose Mourinho!

10. You can be pissed of, complain, and be generally unhappy, but only if you are Jose Mourinho. If not, than you must be happy and respectful, and above all never criticize referees and Mourinho’s team.